Posted By Tom W. on Nov 25, 2014 in Beach Bar Bums, Beach Bars, Things That Don't Suck | 4 comments

Tagged: beach bar

People who love beach bars come from all walks of life and if there was ever a melting pot made for the beach, it would be a beach bar. Even though beach bar bums come from varying backgrounds, there are certain aspects of our personalities that we all have in common. Beyond the fact that we love beaches (and drinking on them), there are certain aspects of our personalities that just scream beach bar bum and the following highlight some of those traits. If you chuckle at even a few of these, you might just be a beach bar bum.

It’s the breakfast of champions!

Sex on the Beach takes on an entirely different meaning. “$50 for sex on the beach? You better be using the good stuff!”

You get offended if you’re served wine in anything but a plastic cup.

You appreciate sand as a condiment because a little sand never killed anybody.

You justify drinking a Bloody Mary for breakfast because it contains most of the major food groups … you think. “See, it has celery AND a lime in it. That’s healthy in my book.”

Your best stories begin with “Remember that time at the beach bar ….”

You love rum. Like really love it. If you could list “rum connoisseur” on your resume, you would.
“What would you like to drink, sir?”
“Rum.”
“Rum and ….”
“Just rum … and make sure it’s in a plastic cup.”

“That’s not on the menu tonight” or “We ran out of that” don’t faze you when ordering and you simply move down the list until you find something they have.

Jimmy Buffet and Kenny Chesney songs dominate your playlist and you would happily marry either one of them … even if you’re a dude.

Paying a range of prices for a bucket of beer is considered standard practice and you simply seek out the person selling them for the lesser amount. “Order from the girl. She’s only charging $9. The dude’s charging $12.”

You gladly walk right on by the pool and its crystal clear water, pristine surroundings and scantily clad beautiful people for the beach bar and its questionable water supply, sticky salt and alcohol covered surroundings and scantily clad not so beautiful people. “Is that a butt crack?”

To you, a cheeseburger in paradise isn’t just the name of a song – it’s a delicacy.

When you walk into a beach bar, you feel immediately at home and know that you will be making some great friends and if you’re lucky, they’ll stick around in your life for years to come. At the end of the night, you’ll leave with a stumble in your step and a little lighter wallet while thinking to yourself “Oh the stories we can tell.”

Are you a certified beach bar bum? Are there any other telltale signs of a beach bar bum that I missed? Let me know in the comments and we’ll get these people some help … or something to drink.